Let me break it down about my boss and me in this corporate grind. It’s like, every day in the office feels like a battle to keep it together. When my boss hits me with feedback that stings, calls out my work, or acts like I’m invisible, it messes with my head. It’s not like I’m dealing with a world-ending crisis or my bank account’s screaming, but these moments chip away at who I am, leaving me stressed and burned out. A good boss, though—one who’s got my back—can change the game by making work a place where I feel seen, valued, and ready to bring my best.
For over three decades, I’ve led teams through the corporate jungle—some days feeling like a master navigator, others like I’m barely keeping my head above water. I’ve had moments where I nailed it, inspiring my team to crush it, and others where I fumbled, leaving people feeling unseen or undervalued. The truth? Being a great boss isn’t about having all the answers about showing up, being present, learning from your mistakes, and creating a space where your team can thrive. Here’s what I’ve learned, scars and all, about leading with heart and building a workplace that lifts everyone up.
Our brains are wired to react like we’re dodging predators. A sharp word or a cold shoulder from a boss can send anyone into fight, flight, or freeze mode. I’ve been there—both as the employee stinging from harsh feedback and as the boss who didn’t realize my words landed like a punch. Early in my career, I once snapped at a team member during a high-pressure project, thinking I was “just being direct, feedback on the spot.” The look on their face haunted me. It wasn’t just about the work—it chipped away at their confidence. That moment taught me: when people feel unsafe or unvalued, their creative, problem-solving spark dims. A boss who gets this can shift the vibe, creating a space where the team feels ready to shine.
Here’s the playbook I’ve built over 30 years—hard-won lessons from my wins and my flops—for creating a workplace where your team doesn’t just survive but thrives.
I used to assume I knew why someone was slipping—lazy, distracted, whatever. But when I judged too fast, I missed the real story: stress, personal struggles, or just a bad day, nd part of a common humanity we all fall into. One time, I pulled a struggling team member aside and learned they were grappling with a family crisis. The same crisis I was facing at home. That hit me hard. Now, I ask, “What’s going on with you?” instead of “Why’s this not done?” Getting curious builds trust—it’s like saying, “I see you, and I’m here.” That trust fuels people to step up, not just for the company but for themselves, to all of us as human beings.
Words matter, and I’ve learned this the hard way. Early on, I’d fire off feedback like a drill sergeant, thinking it was efficient. Spoiler: it wasn’t. People shut down or got defensive. One time, I brushed off a team member’s question in a meeting, and I could see them shrink. I felt like a jerk afterward. Now, I start with something real: “I see you’re grinding on this—great hustle.” Then, I ease into the feedback: “Let’s tweak this part—walk me through your thinking.” Skip the “Why’d you screw this up?” vibe—it’s a trap. Instead, ask, “How’d you land on that choice?” It keeps things honest and productive.
I’ve made the mistake of labeling people—calling someone a “genius”. It’s unfair and kills motivation. One of my biggest regrets was chewing out a team for a missed deadline without context, only to learn later they were stretched thin. Now, I focus on the work, not the person. If something flops, I say, “This report needs work—let’s figure it out together.” If it’s a win, I’ll say, “That presentation was awesome,” not “You’re a genius.” Let your team take risks and learn without feeling like their worth’s on the line. It’s how they grow—and how you grow as a leader.
The corporate grind is relentless, and I don’t always get it right. There were days I was tired, stressed, or just off my game, and I did slip back into old habits—being too blunt or missing a chance to connect. But I’ve learned that leading isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up with heart. By tuning into how my team feels, talking with respect, and owning my mistakes,
I’ve seen my team go from just getting by to absolutely killing it. Be the boss who makes people feel seen, valued, and safe to be themselves. It’s not just about winning at work, it’s about building a place where everyone can thrive, no matter how tough the ride.
